By the Numbers, My Wife

Still, when you work as a PI, sometimes you get one of those cases that doesn’t involve finding guys dressed up as pigs, or a wife doing things with a guy twice her age, that, well it gave me nightmares, or, yes folks this is for real, a guy with a horse and well, even the Germans wouldn’t film this.

Like I said to start, sometimes you get an easy one, a my wife is cheating I want to find out who the guy is, case that just goes by the numbers.

So, this guy came in, I know my wife is cheating, great so get a divorce, pick up the bill for my advice on the way out, have a good day.

He stayed standing, a puzzled look on his face, so he didn’t know anything, he just thought, the easy way of finding out what is what, tell them the obvious and then see what they say, in this case it was just a blank face.

So, he sat down, and I folded up the newspaper, nothing interesting in it and the Socks doing what socks seem to do best, never stay up.

I hate socks that can’t stay up, it’s a constant battle.

He waited, this man was intelligent, he was going to wait for me to start talking, we could play this game but the coffee had worked it way to the exit point and I wanted to get up, and well, having no pants on in the office while another man was in the office with you, that wasn’t going to look too good.

So, someone had to break the ice, and it had to be me.


He repeated his statement, he was a lawyer, he must be a lawyer.

My Wife Is Having An Affair.

Mistake, I got him.

Sir, first it was Cheating, now it is an Affair, so which is it?

He, looked back at me, or just kept looking, then he broke down, I love her, but I think she is cheating, I don’t know what to do. I want to find out who, I want to stop it, I want to stay with my wife, I love her, I don’t know what changed, I provide her with everything she needs.

(I chocked back the, obviously not if she is screwing someone else, line)

This one was for real, the emotions displayed here, by someone with obvious intelligence and smart dresser as well, he didn’t know and this was tearing him up inside.

Right, I understand, just write down everything you know here, and leave it to me, I will put your case at the top of my list of things to do and I will have something for you as soon as possible, but I do need to know, what is your goal, what is your plan?

If you want to try and save your marriage then you must let me know, because I will not be involved in pointing out the guy if you are going to do something stupid and if you do, please be fully aware that I was BPD for a long time and I will turn any evidence over to them if suddenly your rival turns up dead in a ditch.

Oh, no, nothing like that, I want to scare him off and I want to keep my marriage, I love my wife.

So, should I do the scaring, or do you have a plan of your own? Does your wife know that you know? Do you really know? These are the things I need to know, if you know, otherwise I have to find out.

I don’t think she knows I think I know anything, it is just a feeling she seems to be distant lately and I don’t know why, things have changed at home, it is a feeling, and I just don’t know why, and I need to know, like you need to know so you need to find out, so I can know.

Ok, says I, that’s clear enough, so like I said just write everything down addresses etc and I will get right on it.

Jesus would this guy ever leave? I spotted a coffee cup, if I was smooth enough I could get my hands on that, but then he would wonder what the noise was, I have never learned to piss quietly, fucking jungle water fall when I am like this.

He started to write and then quickly got up, not before time.

Thank you he said, and let left, and I was like a rocket to the bathroom.

Jesus, sure guns under the desk, why not, always easy to shoot some idiot sitting across from you but why the hell do I have to sit at my desk with no pants on? I need a pair of pants stashed under the desk, note to self, move the gun over, stash pants.

So, this guy had a nice place and once I have some pants on I will take one of the beaters and check it out, its always nice to have a selection of cars to choose from, PIs having the same car all the time, when you work in one area, people can spot you a mile off, its like a cop car, I have never know an undercover car to last more than a day, they get spotted and before you know it everyone knows who you are and they are laughing at you.

I took a run out to scout out the neighbourhood and it was a nice place, two cars, nice garden and well kept lawn, he was obviously a lawyer, not just the way he talked and the way he acted but the area was known for various professionals and to get here you needed to make the big money.

I didn’t know the name, but that was ok,  I had the address and I could get everything I needed to know from that, and as luck would have it, there was an empty house for sale just down the road in sight of his place, so I had a place to hang out, I just needed to contact the estate agent, they are always kind to PIs.

I got everything set up for the next day, an open house was a great idea said the estate agent, I was welcome to come and hang around if I bought the coffee and some donuts for potential clients, no problem, which was great for me.

I arrived nice and early and opened up, and kept and eye on the target, he headed out early and the second car stayed in the drive, so she must be home, no one walks in this area even to get milk, of course in this area you couldn’t find a convenience store for a few miles, so everyone drive.

The open house was a great cover, I had someone come and take my care while dropping off another one for me, no one was going to look to see who took what car, but if the same one stayed there, other than the estate agents then it would look a little fishy, and the timing was perfect as the wife looked like she was going some place special, nice dress and an overnight bag, if this was a handbag I felt sorry for the poor guy, no, it had to be an overnight bag, big enough for toys and a change of clothes.

Toys, yes, people use toys, and it always seems to be the rich women who use them the most, lord only knows why because a bit of rough was always there and ready.

I was in the car and checking the mirrors as she drove by and I pulled out a few minutes later, the only issue I was going to have was I was going to be spotted, low traffic neighbourhood and even with the open house if she drove a long way, she would recognize the car, be it average or not.

So I took the simple approach and I followed close for the first little bit and then dropped off completely when I had a sense of where she might be going, call it a hunch or whatever some places you can easily take a few blocks detour and then come back and catch up with your target, and this is how I worked it, and as I turned back on to the main road, there she was.

It looks like she was going to do a little shopping which was great, I had my car returned to me and my buddy picked up his, so I was all set, she wouldn’t pick me out and I could wait things out. A nice jewellery shop and some new clothes, so she spent it while her husband made it, and I could understand why he wanted to keep her, she wasn’t a beauty, but she was a beauty, she had something about her that made you look twice but she wasn’t something you should stand back and say, wow look at that.

Then it was, well, it was what one expected, it was a hotel, yeah, she checked into a hotel. Clerks are always good to cops, they always show the register and let us know who is who, lets face it, you don’t want some dead body showing up on your watch and that tends to tarnish the Hotels rep if it is a nice hotel and this was.

She checked in, of course I was looking for a mans name and a quick scan of the register there had been a few check ins the day before and no check outs, so the memory worked over time as I quickly took notes and called a buddy to give me some details, the pay phone was in a good location in the lobby so I could see all the comings and going.

Nothing stood out, so I decided to call it a day and come back in the morning.

The client called me late that night, and told me that he was worried, this was apparently a planned trip she was on but he wanted to know what I knew, so I gave him a rough outline of the day, and he said, that it all made sense, apparently the hotel had a SPA and she enjoyed a compete work over once a month, which was, well annoying because if he had told me I could have done a little less work, but what didn’t make sense what the things she bought, so we had to see what was going to happen the next day.

Another early morning and the hotel had a good breakfast so I was there to watch who left and who said good bye to who, and nothing happened, she left and she had the same bags, and she had a glow, so maybe the SPA was worth while after all, she looked like she had a new found something, but then again sex can often do that to a person.

She went right home, so it was a blown few days, but at least I had a sense of who she was, and I had a good idea that she was in control of somethings because the client made no mention of the spending, so a week goes by and nothing really happens and all is routine, but then she goes and she has the same over night bag and takes the same route but this time it is a much longer drive, and the client had said nothing about her going away.

The hotel was a dive, and when I say dive, you could have had a better experience in a use tyre. She had changed in the car, while driving because she hadn’t stopped now she was in a dirty shirt and jeans that did not really fit, neat trick.

She checked in and the adjoining room had a man in it and she didn’t leave her room, but the man obviously wasn’t the brightest blub in the package because the curtains  had been lefdt half open and I was able to get some nice pictures of the gymnastics that went on, I take it back, while she might not have been a trophy she was certainly worth a gold medal with what I saw, these pictures wouldn’t make for a happy husband but that is what he wanted, he could do with what he pleased, I am not sure how these two connected but they certainly connected rather well from what I saw, and a few times as well.

After an afternoon aerobics, gymnastics and sexual pleasures, she left via his door, an amateur if there ever was one, and got in the car and drove off, I tagged all the cars in the lot and got the clerk to give me a list of all the details of the individual who was checked into that room, so I had him, I had her and I had pictures, I had the trifector case closed.

I checked in with the client, what was his plan, I had the proof, I could produce the guy if needed, even if the details where fake, I could run him down, and considering how they both acted I was pretty sure he had not used fake details, she used her real name, she used cash, this place wouldn’t know credit card if it fell over one.

He was upset, but he said he wanted everything, and he would take it from here.

So I filed all the stuff away, recordings of the conversation with the client, and the negatives would be kept safe, my paper work and my details, I will never take a hit from a client because he decides to go postal and off his wife.

A month later the call came, would I present my evidence at a divorce hearing.

Of course I said, and it went by the numbers, she got nothing.