Mental Health – It just doesn’t stop

There is never a good thing, that is just the way it goes, there is never a little stream of good, its always a long long long stream of bad shit and getting kicked in the head. So now I have to pay a 1000 dollar fine because I didn’t do something that I wasn’t told I needed to do.

I can’t get out of the country unless I pay.

I think its time just to call it quits, really as much as I want to do university here, simply because its the only way I could afford it, and going to university would just be stupid, the morons that I would meet would make it worse.

 I hate my country, in fact both of them have become unlivable.

The UK is full of feral children and individuals, its so bad that even the BBC reports on some of it now, never mind what I hear from friends who live there.

In Canada its really getting as bad, I am in a beautiful place, if I can find a job I will be fine, and if I can stay away from the locals, I will just have to do all the work on the house myself, because trying to get someone to do work is impossible, they are all too busy, but its never really doing anything.

At what point do you just give up?

At what point do you think that its really enough, I don’t understand why now I am being hit with all this, its not any special month, in fact its really still summer I should at least have some sort of good left in me.

I know last year I was suffering because of the house but by this time I had gotten a job, I had thing back under control.

The lack of any form of health care in my local area does not really cause me any problems, I couldn’t do the mental health thing really, what would be the point, the drugs they give you wouldn’t really work, sure I could do with some adavan (sp) but then I would just glide through life and not actually know anything about anything, and when I came off it I wouldn’t know what I was doing or why.

My problem is the fact that I am lonely and I want to be with someone, and that I something that I know will never happen, I want to always have someone sitting with me or to walk with, someone who I can talk to and who will understand, who I can just hold and cry, I want to cry so badly, but I can not, its just not possible anymore, I am dead inside.

I am actually dead inside.